MOPS Convention 2009

This past weekend I was blessed to spend 4 days in Nashville with some of the most incredible women for the 2009 MOPS Convention.

Just in case you don't know...MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers, it is an international group designed to support all woman with children ages birth through kindergarten. There are approximately 3900 MOPS groups in the country and in 35 countries. We are a faith based group, but support EVERY mother. For more information feel free to visit www.mops.org.

This is the 3rd year that I have been apart of MOPS here in Gainesville (and my second year that I have served on the leadership team). This group of women have helped me become a better mother, wife, person. They have strengthened my relationship with Christ. The day we lost Ethan these women came running and began praying. I can't even begin to share with you all of the ways in which they have supported our family and more important continue to support our family through this tragedy. They have forever changed my life! Not only have we gotten support from our local group, but have even received cards and prayers from MOPS international.

Okay, so back to my trip....6 of us road tripped to Nashville on Thursday. We attended our first general session and were led in worship by Matt Redman and Christy Nockels. It was absolutely incredible to walk into the room and worship with thousands of mothers from all across the country/world! I can't even begin to put it into words. As I sat there, I thought of my life 3 years ago...never in a million years would I have imagined to be sitting in a convention center with this huge group of women! God has a plan for me and though I don't understand some of this plan, an enormous part of it is far better than I would've ever imagined!

Friday we worshiped again with Matt Redman and Christy Nockels. In addition we got to see Plum and comedian Ken Davis (who is hilarious and I would recommend finding some of his stuff on you-tube). I attended several great break out sessions one called Kid Concoctions that was about learning through creative play. Very fun- can't wait until Grant is old enough to do some of it! I attended one that was on communication in marriage and the other one was about telling your "story". Friday night we attended the comedy night with Ken Davis and the farewell celebration for Elisa Morgan (more on her in a minute).

Saturday we were led in worship by Christy Nockels and got to hear Matthew West!! I attended a break out session on writing during the mothering season, which was sooo good! This blog has really inspired me to do a lot more writing. I am really thinking writing maybe my next calling from God (but only time will tell what God has in store next). I also attended a break out session on making a difference in the world with your child from home. As everyone knows I am a "service" person, so this one was particularly close to my heart.

Saturday I got the honor to meet two authors that have really touched my life! Lisa Bergren who wrote this years MOPS curriculum book. In the book she talked about the death of her niece, Maddie and what that has done to her faith. We had emailed before the convention, so it was such an honor to meet her in person and have her sign one of her kids storybooks for Grant. Her words touched me on a day that I needed to hear them. The other person that I got to meet was Elisa Morgan!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was the first president of MOPS international and has written several books. One of which is titled "What Every Mom Needs", one of my favorite books! I have given this to several new moms out there (you may have been a recipient of a copy)! After 20 years as president of MOPS she has turned the organization over and moved onto a new journey in her life this year. I had to meet her and tell her how much I appreciate what she has done for MOPS, that this group has truly changed my life. Elisa's sons name is also Ethan...she cried and prayed with me (and signed a copy of her new book). It was such an honor to meet such an incredible woman!!

Sunday it was back home to Gainesville and my wonderful family! It was an amazing weekend and I am truly blessed that I was able to go.

Wow, if you made it to the end of this blog...I commend you it was a long one. :-)

Meals on Wheels

I had to write a post to thank all who have delivered a meal to us since April. In all we have had almost 40 meals brought to our house, and countless others who have taken us out for lunch and/or dinner. I can't even begin to put into words how much this has meant to us. Without cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping we have had time together as a family...to grieve, to find a new "normal", to bond with Grant. A few weeks ago I went to Publix to grocery shop for the first time. I couldn't believe how overwhelming it was (seeing E's favorite shopping carts, walking past the items that I would stop and get for E, etc.), truly every place I go is filled with memories of him. Well yesterday Grant and I went to Publix; he cooed, laughed, and smiled...we are making our own memories!

So again, my many thanks to everyone who took the time to bring us a meal (or two) for many, many reasons you have all touched and blessed our lives!

Vikings....uck!

Well with all the talk of our beloved Minnesota Vikings signing Brett Farve (uck, uck!) yesterday, I remembered a great E story that was worth sharing. Jake's parents are huge Green Bay Packer fans. Last year for Christmas they gave E a Green Bay Packer sweatshirt. After he opened it, Jake's mom wanted him to put it on to take a picture, but he flat out refused!! He was screaming and pulling it off...we never did get a picture! The above pictures however are from his 2nd b-day party with his friends where he is proudly wearing a MN Vikings shirt! Man I love that kid...what a great sense of humor he had!

P.S. What to do? I don't know if I can honestly cheer for the Vikings...I mean seriously, Brett Farve! That is just wrong, wrong! So now who do I pick...I've always secretly cheered for the Jags. I think the Titans are pretty cool as well...maybe I will have to temporarily suspend my Vikings cheering for this season (God knows Brett will be "retired" again next year)!

E at work

We are currently in Nashville. Jake had to come up here for a conference, so Grant and I came with.

I maybe crazy (as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure that I am), but this morning I watched Ethan work a miracle and it was amazing. Grant and I went down for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. It is a fairly fancy place, everyone there was dressed in business attire and Grant was the ONLY child in the place. We were seated next to this table of 4 guys, all dressed in business suits. This one guy looked over at me and I saw that "look" of "great, I am seated next to a woman with a baby". Grant was quite happy through breakfast, but was also fairly loud with his laughing and squealing. Towards the end of my meal the guy that had glared at us, got up and left the restaurant. I was finishing up waiting on our waiter to bring me the bill, when the guy came back into the restaurant. He came over to me and asked how old Grant was. He then proceeded to tell me that he had a 10 month old at home. He said he was so sorry to even admit this, but he travels a lot for business and is always glad to leave his son behind because he is a very difficult baby. He said "watching you with your son, made me miss him and my wife so much that I just stepped outside, cancelled the rest of my trip, and changed my flight home to tonight instead of Friday". With tears in his eyes he said "I have never done that before, and I don't even know why I am telling you this". Of course that made me cry as well. I then told him about E, which of course gave us both goosebumps. We sat and chatted for awhile as he told me all about his wife and little boy named "Gavin" (which is what we were going to name Grant)...even showed me pictures. When he left he said "God bless you and your two angels, safe tavels home". Chris, safe travels home to your beautiful wife and Gavin, may you cherish everyday!

E you truly are an angel and amaze me everyday. I am so blessed to be your mother!

Another month...

4 months. 4 months. I can't believe today it has been 4 months since we lost E. In the last 9 months, I have lost my job, lost my son, and given birth. I still have a hard time comprehending all of that. I am starting to feel as if this "cloud" is lifting some, that instead of being in survival mode that I am actually able to function more. A new "normal" is very, very slowly beginning to emerge. I feel as if I am a completely different person, physically (2 kids later) and emotionally...yet I have the same name.

I have a hard time envisioning what the future will bring. I was planning on starting to look for a part-time job. Ethan was to start "school" next week. Now...well obviously E won't be starting "school" and as for me looking for a job, that isn't going to happen right now and I don't know if it ever will. The worst calls for me as a medic were pediatric cardiac arrest calls. I cried over children that I never knew, re-played every one of these calls wondering why? what could I have done differently? I never dreamed that I would someday be on BOTH sides of this call...that I would be the grieving parent and the paramedic trying to save my own son. I fear that when my next pediatric code came that I would re-live my "call" with Ethan..and I would be with new co-workers that wouldn't know how to help me through it. I worked with the greatest people in Ocala, they were my "family". I have packed away most of my work stuff. My career, a job I truly loved and was passionate about, may very well and probably is over, but the blessing is that right now I don't have to make a decision. I can pack my things away, enjoy my family and my life long career as a mom... and trust that God is in control of what will happen. God has taken my life many, many times down roads that I initially didn't want to travel on, but ultimately I am grateful for the experiences and scenery down that road.

Now that this "cloud" is lifting some... please, please forgive me if I didn't respond to an email, message, or phone call from you. I really do appreciate ALL of the support and love that has been shown towards us...many of these random acts of kindness have come on a day that I truly needed to know that someone thought of and loves me. I am getting much, much better at answering messages so please feel free to try again if you didn't hear back from me.

Thank you all for loving and praying for me as I travel down this bumpy road. Mommy loves you, Ethan and I miss and think of you every minute of every day, you are always in my heart.

Locks of Love!

I have wanted to donate my hair to Locks of Love for a long time, well that day has come! Today I chopped my hair and will be sending it to Locks of Love this week! It brings joy to my soul to be able to help other people. I am looking forward to growing out my hair again!

Zzzzzzz!

Grant is an absolute super sleeper! Until last night he has slept completely through the night from like 8:30pm until around 7am. Last night he was up once around 3am and only for like 20 minutes. He also naps!! That is such a foreign concept to me to have a child that NAPS! Super G is definitely a thumb sucker, it is so adorable (probably won't be later, but I will worry about that then). Visken and Suzie sure seem to like him and I had to laugh this morning, both of them had been going in to check on him.