Our Strength

I am still amazed at how many (and how often) people think of our family. I am in awe by how many acts of kindness continue towards us. I am blown away by the stories and ways in which peoples lives have changed because of E- some who never even had the honor to meet him. It has been over 7 months since God returned our angel to heaven. 7 months already...and still these things are present.

People still stop me and ask how Jake and I have remained so strong. I assure you we have moments when we are not "strong". Just in the last few weeks I came home from the grocery store in tears, unable to even bring the groceries in the house. As Grant gets older, I see more and more of E in him and I cry at times flooded with memories of what was and all that could have been. But in these moments where we are "strong", it is because of the ways in which God has and continues to bless us. Through the darkest moments that have come, God has shown us that we are loved and not alone. Many of you, without even knowing it, have done what you thought was something "little", but to us came on a day when we needed a "sign" from God. I truly believe it was the hands of God (and maybe even our angel E) that told you to pick up the phone, send us an email, a text, bring dinner, recommend a book or article, send a gift for Grant, pray, etc. etc. It is because of this that I am able to get out of bed everyday. It is because of this that I am able to play peek a boo and laugh with Grant.

A few days ago someone shared this story with me. He said he came home from a long day at work, a car full of groceries. When he walked through the door his kids went running past him "daddy come find us, come find us" as they were off to hide. He said out of my mouth came "not now guys, I have a whole trunk full of groceries". He said immediately after saying that he thought of E and put the groceries down and ran after his kids. He said in that moment I realized that opportunity may never come again. Nothing will ever make losing E easier, but it comforts my soul to know that people are appreciating life and moments with their kids more. It makes me smile when I hear from someone who says "we had ice cream for breakfast". Please, please continue to share these stories with us- it is remarkable how busy our little man continues to be! As this was E's message for all of us..."wag more, bark less"..."hug", smile, play, laugh, have fun, do life at your own pace, have ice cream for breakfast if you feel like it, enjoy every moment God gives you for each day you are given is a "gift" use it wisely.

We have been through a lot already, but we still have more yet in front of us. We have to pick out a headstone, clean out his dresser, get his room ready for Grant, our first Halloween, birthday, holidays, and things I can't even dream of yet. But I know in time we will take each of these steps alongside God and the family and friends he has blessed us with.

Much love and joy from our house to yours!

Touched by an Angel

I have meant to share this story for a long time... Sometimes strangers ("angels") are brought into your life for a brief second, yet change your life forever. This is one such story.

Several years ago (before children, before Florida, maybe even before marriage), Jake and I were at the grocery store and saw a mother shopping with her adorable little toddler. They were in the produce section and he was sitting in the cart. She was picking up different fruits and vegetables and would hold them for him to see, explain what each one was, what color it was, what it tasted like. "This is a yellow lemon and it is sour!" We passed her several times in the store and she so patiently and lovingly was showing him the world. Jake and I were in absolute awe. How many times do you witness that in the grocery store? And how many times to you witness someone screaming at or getting frustrated with their child? I remember Jake saying I hope we will be that kind-of parent someday.

Who knows this woman could've been an abuser for all we know. However in that one brief moment she not only had a teachable moment with her child, but with one trip to the grocery store she forever changed the lives of two complete strangers. I am far from the perfect mother, and I am pretty convinced that there is no perfect mother out there. I have had too many times in the grocery store where I scolded or was impatient with Ethan. But I think of that woman everytime I set foot in the grocery store and I think of her nearly everyday since becoming a mother. I try, try to have at least one teachable, peaceful moment- a second that I slow down everyday to just be totally present with this amazing gift that God has given me. Sometimes it is the grocery store, sometimes while reading a book, sometimes in the bath, etc. It is a moment when I am not thinking about the "to do list", about the phone, email, facebook, etc. it is a moment that I am 100% present with my child.

I recently asked Jake "do you remember that woman in the grocery store"? Immediately he said the one in Des Moines that was teaching her child about the different fruits and vegetables? And I smiled and said "yes". He said "I think of her all the time"!

So to our angel that we met in Hy-Vee all those years ago, thank you for blessing our lives...