Lemons!

I have been horrible about blogging again. Sorry! I don't even know why, as I love to write. Maybe it is because even though Grant brings us an incredible amount of joy, the first stories I shared here were Ethan stories and I so miss sharing stories of him. I will try once again to get better about sharing things as Grant is beginning to show more of his personality.

One of Ethan's favorite foods was LEMONS! He took after me, because I too love lemons!! While we were out for dinner the other night Jake said, "I wonder if Grant will like lemons as much as his big brother?". Well he gave it a try and the result...he loves lemons as much as his big brother and mom. It took him 3 or 4 attempts before he finally made that "sour face", but even after that he continued to want more!

Our Strength

I am still amazed at how many (and how often) people think of our family. I am in awe by how many acts of kindness continue towards us. I am blown away by the stories and ways in which peoples lives have changed because of E- some who never even had the honor to meet him. It has been over 7 months since God returned our angel to heaven. 7 months already...and still these things are present.

People still stop me and ask how Jake and I have remained so strong. I assure you we have moments when we are not "strong". Just in the last few weeks I came home from the grocery store in tears, unable to even bring the groceries in the house. As Grant gets older, I see more and more of E in him and I cry at times flooded with memories of what was and all that could have been. But in these moments where we are "strong", it is because of the ways in which God has and continues to bless us. Through the darkest moments that have come, God has shown us that we are loved and not alone. Many of you, without even knowing it, have done what you thought was something "little", but to us came on a day when we needed a "sign" from God. I truly believe it was the hands of God (and maybe even our angel E) that told you to pick up the phone, send us an email, a text, bring dinner, recommend a book or article, send a gift for Grant, pray, etc. etc. It is because of this that I am able to get out of bed everyday. It is because of this that I am able to play peek a boo and laugh with Grant.

A few days ago someone shared this story with me. He said he came home from a long day at work, a car full of groceries. When he walked through the door his kids went running past him "daddy come find us, come find us" as they were off to hide. He said out of my mouth came "not now guys, I have a whole trunk full of groceries". He said immediately after saying that he thought of E and put the groceries down and ran after his kids. He said in that moment I realized that opportunity may never come again. Nothing will ever make losing E easier, but it comforts my soul to know that people are appreciating life and moments with their kids more. It makes me smile when I hear from someone who says "we had ice cream for breakfast". Please, please continue to share these stories with us- it is remarkable how busy our little man continues to be! As this was E's message for all of us..."wag more, bark less"..."hug", smile, play, laugh, have fun, do life at your own pace, have ice cream for breakfast if you feel like it, enjoy every moment God gives you for each day you are given is a "gift" use it wisely.

We have been through a lot already, but we still have more yet in front of us. We have to pick out a headstone, clean out his dresser, get his room ready for Grant, our first Halloween, birthday, holidays, and things I can't even dream of yet. But I know in time we will take each of these steps alongside God and the family and friends he has blessed us with.

Much love and joy from our house to yours!

Touched by an Angel

I have meant to share this story for a long time... Sometimes strangers ("angels") are brought into your life for a brief second, yet change your life forever. This is one such story.

Several years ago (before children, before Florida, maybe even before marriage), Jake and I were at the grocery store and saw a mother shopping with her adorable little toddler. They were in the produce section and he was sitting in the cart. She was picking up different fruits and vegetables and would hold them for him to see, explain what each one was, what color it was, what it tasted like. "This is a yellow lemon and it is sour!" We passed her several times in the store and she so patiently and lovingly was showing him the world. Jake and I were in absolute awe. How many times do you witness that in the grocery store? And how many times to you witness someone screaming at or getting frustrated with their child? I remember Jake saying I hope we will be that kind-of parent someday.

Who knows this woman could've been an abuser for all we know. However in that one brief moment she not only had a teachable moment with her child, but with one trip to the grocery store she forever changed the lives of two complete strangers. I am far from the perfect mother, and I am pretty convinced that there is no perfect mother out there. I have had too many times in the grocery store where I scolded or was impatient with Ethan. But I think of that woman everytime I set foot in the grocery store and I think of her nearly everyday since becoming a mother. I try, try to have at least one teachable, peaceful moment- a second that I slow down everyday to just be totally present with this amazing gift that God has given me. Sometimes it is the grocery store, sometimes while reading a book, sometimes in the bath, etc. It is a moment when I am not thinking about the "to do list", about the phone, email, facebook, etc. it is a moment that I am 100% present with my child.

I recently asked Jake "do you remember that woman in the grocery store"? Immediately he said the one in Des Moines that was teaching her child about the different fruits and vegetables? And I smiled and said "yes". He said "I think of her all the time"!

So to our angel that we met in Hy-Vee all those years ago, thank you for blessing our lives...

MOPS Convention 2009

This past weekend I was blessed to spend 4 days in Nashville with some of the most incredible women for the 2009 MOPS Convention.

Just in case you don't know...MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers, it is an international group designed to support all woman with children ages birth through kindergarten. There are approximately 3900 MOPS groups in the country and in 35 countries. We are a faith based group, but support EVERY mother. For more information feel free to visit www.mops.org.

This is the 3rd year that I have been apart of MOPS here in Gainesville (and my second year that I have served on the leadership team). This group of women have helped me become a better mother, wife, person. They have strengthened my relationship with Christ. The day we lost Ethan these women came running and began praying. I can't even begin to share with you all of the ways in which they have supported our family and more important continue to support our family through this tragedy. They have forever changed my life! Not only have we gotten support from our local group, but have even received cards and prayers from MOPS international.

Okay, so back to my trip....6 of us road tripped to Nashville on Thursday. We attended our first general session and were led in worship by Matt Redman and Christy Nockels. It was absolutely incredible to walk into the room and worship with thousands of mothers from all across the country/world! I can't even begin to put it into words. As I sat there, I thought of my life 3 years ago...never in a million years would I have imagined to be sitting in a convention center with this huge group of women! God has a plan for me and though I don't understand some of this plan, an enormous part of it is far better than I would've ever imagined!

Friday we worshiped again with Matt Redman and Christy Nockels. In addition we got to see Plum and comedian Ken Davis (who is hilarious and I would recommend finding some of his stuff on you-tube). I attended several great break out sessions one called Kid Concoctions that was about learning through creative play. Very fun- can't wait until Grant is old enough to do some of it! I attended one that was on communication in marriage and the other one was about telling your "story". Friday night we attended the comedy night with Ken Davis and the farewell celebration for Elisa Morgan (more on her in a minute).

Saturday we were led in worship by Christy Nockels and got to hear Matthew West!! I attended a break out session on writing during the mothering season, which was sooo good! This blog has really inspired me to do a lot more writing. I am really thinking writing maybe my next calling from God (but only time will tell what God has in store next). I also attended a break out session on making a difference in the world with your child from home. As everyone knows I am a "service" person, so this one was particularly close to my heart.

Saturday I got the honor to meet two authors that have really touched my life! Lisa Bergren who wrote this years MOPS curriculum book. In the book she talked about the death of her niece, Maddie and what that has done to her faith. We had emailed before the convention, so it was such an honor to meet her in person and have her sign one of her kids storybooks for Grant. Her words touched me on a day that I needed to hear them. The other person that I got to meet was Elisa Morgan!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was the first president of MOPS international and has written several books. One of which is titled "What Every Mom Needs", one of my favorite books! I have given this to several new moms out there (you may have been a recipient of a copy)! After 20 years as president of MOPS she has turned the organization over and moved onto a new journey in her life this year. I had to meet her and tell her how much I appreciate what she has done for MOPS, that this group has truly changed my life. Elisa's sons name is also Ethan...she cried and prayed with me (and signed a copy of her new book). It was such an honor to meet such an incredible woman!!

Sunday it was back home to Gainesville and my wonderful family! It was an amazing weekend and I am truly blessed that I was able to go.

Wow, if you made it to the end of this blog...I commend you it was a long one. :-)

Meals on Wheels

I had to write a post to thank all who have delivered a meal to us since April. In all we have had almost 40 meals brought to our house, and countless others who have taken us out for lunch and/or dinner. I can't even begin to put into words how much this has meant to us. Without cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping we have had time together as a family...to grieve, to find a new "normal", to bond with Grant. A few weeks ago I went to Publix to grocery shop for the first time. I couldn't believe how overwhelming it was (seeing E's favorite shopping carts, walking past the items that I would stop and get for E, etc.), truly every place I go is filled with memories of him. Well yesterday Grant and I went to Publix; he cooed, laughed, and smiled...we are making our own memories!

So again, my many thanks to everyone who took the time to bring us a meal (or two) for many, many reasons you have all touched and blessed our lives!

Vikings....uck!

Well with all the talk of our beloved Minnesota Vikings signing Brett Farve (uck, uck!) yesterday, I remembered a great E story that was worth sharing. Jake's parents are huge Green Bay Packer fans. Last year for Christmas they gave E a Green Bay Packer sweatshirt. After he opened it, Jake's mom wanted him to put it on to take a picture, but he flat out refused!! He was screaming and pulling it off...we never did get a picture! The above pictures however are from his 2nd b-day party with his friends where he is proudly wearing a MN Vikings shirt! Man I love that kid...what a great sense of humor he had!

P.S. What to do? I don't know if I can honestly cheer for the Vikings...I mean seriously, Brett Farve! That is just wrong, wrong! So now who do I pick...I've always secretly cheered for the Jags. I think the Titans are pretty cool as well...maybe I will have to temporarily suspend my Vikings cheering for this season (God knows Brett will be "retired" again next year)!

E at work

We are currently in Nashville. Jake had to come up here for a conference, so Grant and I came with.

I maybe crazy (as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure that I am), but this morning I watched Ethan work a miracle and it was amazing. Grant and I went down for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. It is a fairly fancy place, everyone there was dressed in business attire and Grant was the ONLY child in the place. We were seated next to this table of 4 guys, all dressed in business suits. This one guy looked over at me and I saw that "look" of "great, I am seated next to a woman with a baby". Grant was quite happy through breakfast, but was also fairly loud with his laughing and squealing. Towards the end of my meal the guy that had glared at us, got up and left the restaurant. I was finishing up waiting on our waiter to bring me the bill, when the guy came back into the restaurant. He came over to me and asked how old Grant was. He then proceeded to tell me that he had a 10 month old at home. He said he was so sorry to even admit this, but he travels a lot for business and is always glad to leave his son behind because he is a very difficult baby. He said "watching you with your son, made me miss him and my wife so much that I just stepped outside, cancelled the rest of my trip, and changed my flight home to tonight instead of Friday". With tears in his eyes he said "I have never done that before, and I don't even know why I am telling you this". Of course that made me cry as well. I then told him about E, which of course gave us both goosebumps. We sat and chatted for awhile as he told me all about his wife and little boy named "Gavin" (which is what we were going to name Grant)...even showed me pictures. When he left he said "God bless you and your two angels, safe tavels home". Chris, safe travels home to your beautiful wife and Gavin, may you cherish everyday!

E you truly are an angel and amaze me everyday. I am so blessed to be your mother!